Saturday, May 29, 2004

The tide comes in

It is the end of the third round of chemo. A very difficult round where I have been forced to acknowledge my role in blocking my health as well as promoting my healing. I abused my body by eating nothing else one entire day but a high sugar/fat desert! The impact on my immune system was drastic and hampered the recovery from the second round of chemo. I went into the third round at lower ebb. I caught a head cold from which I am still recovering! In five days I will again invite Pele fires to flow through my veins.

I am so aware of the need to encourage my immune system and general energy level to come up to it’s maximum level before June 3rd. I have changed my diet, eliminating sugar, adding many veggies and protein.

The image of ocean tides has been helpful during this stressful period. The tide of was very far out but it is coming in now. I ask you to help me vision the healing waters flowing back to me. Seeing a healthy immune system that can work with Pele. Thank you so much!

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Loosen the strings that bind me

It has been a bit since the last update and I wanted to tell you how much I continue to rely on the love of my community. Every morning I take the refuges. Taking refuge in the Spirit, the reveal word and in my community. This is what makes it possible to continue to walk this path to healing.

Last Thursday I took the third round of chemo. Pele fires have been burning brightly this round. Each round is building on the last. I have experienced much nausea but also better living through chemistry. I feel like Alice with one pill makes me very tall and one pill to make me small.

This part of the path seems to be a practice of letting go of all that does not serve my healing. I have successfully let go of the excess bookkeeping work. Now I am faced with the more daunting excess of fear and my "good girl" mentality of needing to make it all better for everyone.

It is easier to embrace something than to let go, so I have been looking to what is my true nature. I realize that in my best moments I can be a visionary who loves adventure. I love nothing more than creating an adventure for myself and others where we grow and learn. Even with the cancer I make it into an adventure because I don't want to do it if I cannot enjoy the hard work.

Thanks for being on this adventure with me!