Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Loosen the strings that bind me

It has been a bit since the last update and I wanted to tell you how much I continue to rely on the love of my community. Every morning I take the refuges. Taking refuge in the Spirit, the reveal word and in my community. This is what makes it possible to continue to walk this path to healing.

Last Thursday I took the third round of chemo. Pele fires have been burning brightly this round. Each round is building on the last. I have experienced much nausea but also better living through chemistry. I feel like Alice with one pill makes me very tall and one pill to make me small.

This part of the path seems to be a practice of letting go of all that does not serve my healing. I have successfully let go of the excess bookkeeping work. Now I am faced with the more daunting excess of fear and my "good girl" mentality of needing to make it all better for everyone.

It is easier to embrace something than to let go, so I have been looking to what is my true nature. I realize that in my best moments I can be a visionary who loves adventure. I love nothing more than creating an adventure for myself and others where we grow and learn. Even with the cancer I make it into an adventure because I don't want to do it if I cannot enjoy the hard work.

Thanks for being on this adventure with me!