Thursday, June 24, 2004

The gift of art

Today's journey was from fear through peace to revelation. I went to the doctor to receive a new chemo treatment. So frightened of this new drug, Taxotere, for no specific reason I could identify save fear of the unknown. As I sat, with deepening surrender, the three hours it took to get the Taxotere and the accompanying drugs into me, peace grew as well. I found myself talking to my dear friend, Lisa, (who accompanies to the chemo) about taking refuge. I realized that this drug is another powerful child of Pele from a tree from right here in the NW - the Yew.

As I was leaving my doctors a book on the "free" shelf caught my eye. It is Hollis Sigler's Breast Cancer Journal. Hollis Sigler was diagnosis in 1985 and has since had three reoccurrences. She is an artist and a Breast Cancer advocate/activist. This is a "picture" book of her journey in paintings. Many paintings have messages on the frame about her story or about facts around cancer. Some quite chilling like in 1989 a women died of Breast Cancer every 2.2 minutes!

She talks about the role of environmental toxins in Breast cancer. I was assailed by memories of dancing gleefully for many blocks in the toxic clouds spewing from the County Mosquito Control truck as a child, living in a town where the river caught on fire, and not knowing until I was 13 and on my way to a new home in Florida that clouds regularly came in colors other than green and yellow.

In one painting, she talks of a study of 500 cancer Breast patients where a pattern of difficult childhoods, loss of a relationship or job which re-stimulates childhood trauma, and cancer appearing soon there after. Into my mind flew Jack, Kirby's dad, who was the kind gentle accepting acknowledging father I come to dearly love who died three years ago, followed shortly by my own dad whom I had reconciled with after many years.

This week I rededicated myself to the goal of being healed. This differs from being cured because it does not require any particular outcome and it is available in this very moment (actually I am told it is available 108 times a second!) All that is needed is fully taking refuge in wisdom, morality, and generosity (Buddha, Dharma, Sangha).

It has been a very good day and as always you have been the wing beneath my wings! Thank you!