Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Being a Good Girl

Being a good girl
denying true self again
Feminine soul lost!
Shortly after my cancer diagnosis last year, I went to see a palmist on a recommendation of a good friend. Pointing to the straight line bisecting the middle of my hand she said "here's the "good girl" line showing you have constrained your life for many a long year". Well I thought she obliviously does know me at all!
Still her words haunted me. Could someone who spent years as a lesbian separatist working at an abortion clinic be a "good girl"? Could someone whose last name means "witch" be a "good girl"? Perhaps, but in order to truly answer these questions I would need to tease out the motivating factor buried within the rebel of my youth and the women I have become in the last fifteen years: wife, mother, up standing member of a Religious Society of Friends and a small business owner.
What does it mean to be a "good girl"? Here's a great blog entry on being a "good girl". My favorite line is the last, "I am such a good girl the slightest stain on my person would be visible from space." (thanks Leslie Harpold!) Being "seen" and meeting expectations is an essential requirement of good girlism. It is as easy to be a "good rebel" as a "good girl" both are playing to the audience, hiding the authenic self within. It does not matter who the audience is, your dad, husband, God or the mirror if your playing to the audience your a "good girl".
What is the advantage of being a "good girl"? "Good girls" get all the love and none of the pain or so goes the advertising. Camouflaged clothes would not work as well! Give me your soul said the devil and I'll give you peace.
I am tired of being a good girl.